Never underestimate the power of an ancestor
I'm only beginning to tap into all of this for myself
And I can say with conviction:
I feel the support of my Grandmother who passed away when I was five
I've been stuck there, emotionally,
As a five year old little girl whose joy
Was snatched out of her hands the day her Grandmother had a heart attack
I have no memories of Grandma while she was alive
Only stories and photos and the smell of eucalyptus
I've felt her so many times
And then doubted what I felt
I'm still her favorite.
I didn't like being her favorite as a six year old who was
Missing her deeply
And was intensely confused by her disappearance
My uncles can fuck all the way off
with their jealous remarks about being her favorite
I saw her the other day
She sent a bird to me
It was royal blue
Her favorite color
I know it was her
Because I was walking my dog and birds never come near us
Because my dog is a cute bully, especially with birds.
I know it was her because I put my hand on my heart right away
And I've recently learned that she is helping me heal my heart.
I know I am supported, provided for, and protected
And I know I just have to keep listening to my body and the sound of the wind and I'll keep feeling her.
I was mad for so long
Feeling like she left me with a bunch of idiots
Who aren't Pisces like she and I are
But she's been here
Holding my hand
Walking with me and
Guiding me all along
And I am listening