here’s what I want you to know

here’s what I want you to know…

that for a long time not a day would go by that I didn’t think of you

you, rocking me in the old rocking chair when my asthma kept me from breathing, tiny curly haired bushy eyebrowed little me trying with every breath to exist

you, defending me when the bullies disguised as friends picked on me relentlessly, confused boyish me trying with every social interaction to be accepted

you, criticizing me when my mouth opened just a bit too wide with laughter, silly goofy fun me trying with every laugh to be make others laugh

you, leaving me, choosing your own path as you had every right to find your own happiness, sad lost religious me trying with every tight squeeze to make my anger at least righteous

you, shaming me as I come out, telling me things a mother should never say to their child, queer me trying to understand my existence in this world apart from the dogmatic religion you raised me in

I want you to know that I didn’t stop thinking of you, even when the boundaries went up, drawbridge raised, moat full of crocodiles even then I waited with a hand upon the lever awaiting your return to softness, rocking me once again despite your beliefs because I’m your child and you love me

I didn’t stop thinking of you and all you’ve been through because you’re human and this is your first time living too