what if we didn’t share a birthday?
Christmas Day would roll around and I’d celebrate with my loved ones
my birthday
my traditions
and your birthday would fade into the other 364 days
a distant memory of the mother I once had
what if I didn’t wake up and feel the ache of missing you
the ache of all the mean, misplaced words you said
amidst the bright eyed joy of stockings stuff
and brown paper packages
what if I wasn’t flooded with every birthday tea party
every Christmas birthday dinner
every shared celebration
what a cruel thing
whether I blame you or life
to share your birthday with the person who harmed you the most
I wish I could erase my history with a sigh
but I can’t
we’re two sides of the same coin
inextricably connected across an eight hour time difference
on one holy day out of the year
I can’t think about celebrating my birthday without thinking about the birthday you celebrated laboring to bring me into the world
a goddamn Christmas miracle