Can I borrow a shovel?

In all of the healing, in all the work I've done

I realized one big thing;

By trying so hard to be anything other than

what I'd experienced,

I became the very thing I vowed to oppose

And worst of all,

I became this for myself.

No knowing where to dispose of

The agony

The punishment

The rage;

I buried it deep within my garden

And was one day surprised

To see all of the weeds that had grown in.

I learned that you can pull, chop, burn, drown, and starve them all you want

But they will grow back

until you

stop

planting them.

Until one day, you decide to let go.

You may find that, sitting in your open palm,

the wind carries them away

quite nicely.

You may find that the river floats them to another place.

A bird will bring them home for breakfast

Or the sky will drip rain into your hand

and splash them away one drop at a time.

You may not yet know what to do with your open hands,

but at least now

you can tend to

your garden.

-a.b.